Activity 104 from Tao of Now, Soul: Cultivating close friends

Cultivate close friends.

What does that mean?

This is a double meaning. Close as in intimate and trusting and healing and listening and helping and “there” for us.

And close as in living nearby. As in the thinking about how to live lighter on the Earth: how to have friends “close” enough so we can walk to, or bicycle to their house, or to some mid spot to meet.

And if our friends, as of yet, aren’t that “close,” what could we do to begin to “love our neighbors” in such a way that people near us did become our “close” friends.

How could this come about?

Even to imagine such a thing, might begin to open us to the kind of community / loving that would make the life on Earth and life in our own neck of the woods far sweeter and more sustainable, again in two meanings of sustainable.

Sustaining for the Earth.

Sustaining for our own lives, and the lives of those “near” us.

And then again, there's always cultivating that close friend who is the silent empty not-me us of who we really are. And if that doesn't make sense, stop thinking for five or ten seconds and see what's left of "you."

Good.

Emotional Learning: What is to be Listened to

Pastel painting by Penina Horowitz

You know
sometimes we have these feelings,
"feelings" like in emotional stuff,
but really, all "feelings" have a feeling part in our body, too,
a physical component.

And maybe we can play with this:
if we "feel" the physical part of any given
"feeling"
does that feel like we are expanding
or
contracting?

So, say: you feel "happy?"
And the physical feeling is like wanting to
dance,
or jump up and fling your arms in the arm,
or reach out and embrace someone,
or
sing for joy.

All that "feels" expansive,
wouldn't you say?

And then, let's go the other way:
we feel worried and abandoned,
say,
and what goes on in us physically?
Maybe we crunch in on ourselves,
and breathe less,
maybe we tighten up our belly muscles
as if protecting (from ???),
and hunch in our shoulders,
almost as if we want to curl up in a little ball
and
escape the world.

And that doesn't sound expansive,
does it?

So,
let's play with this today:
phooey on all the positive and negative
emotion stuff,
let's just "feel" what our feelings are feeling,
and notice:
do I feel expansive
or
do I feel as if I'm contracting myself?

Now, there's an interesting thing to do with both
sets of physical manifestations of our
"feelings:
and that's this,
the good old fashioned
pay attention
wake up
be aware thing.

Feeling happy?
Great.
Notice the sensations in you
and since they are nice,
maybe act on them
or exaggerate them,
or at the least,
just enjoy them.

Feeling sad, mad, bad, afraid,
whatever?
Skip the words in your head
about all that
and just concentrate on the physical sensations.

Don't judge or condemn the sensations,
but pay them patient and kind attention
and see what happens
if you put attention/ awareness
on your
tension/ contraction.

Life can get interesting in the moment.

Life is almost always amazing and at least semi-miraculous
in the moment.

Give it a try,
and see what happens.

Thinking: Us vs. them

When we give someone we love one of our few last strawberries, or say even the last strawberry, we are happy.

Their pleasure in the strawberry is our pleasure.

But if someone we “don’t like,” or even someone we profess to “love,”
but with whom we have a kind of
competitive/ I’m not getting enough attitude,
“takes” one of our last strawberries,
we feel deprived.

Think about how this operates.

Think about what is the difference,
really,
between “us” and “them.”

Thinking: Us vs. them

When we give someone we love one of our few last strawberries, or say even the last strawberry, we are happy.

Their pleasure in the strawberry is our pleasure.

But if someone we “don’t like,” or even someone we profess to “love,”
but with whom we have a kind of
competitive/ I’m not getting enough attitude,
“takes” one of our last strawberries,
we feel deprived.

Think about how this operates.

Think about what is the difference,
really,
between “us” and “them.”

Moving when "tired"

This happens, doesn't it:
end of the day comes, and we just want to "flake out."

For me, it's lie on my back and read a novel.

For others TV, a DVD, a beer.

And there's always getting on the phone and jawing away.

So, what could mindfulness show us about this "tiredness" thing.

Well, for a start, we could feel and sense where specifically in our bodies
this
"tiredness' seems to be the strongest.

Right now for me, it's around my eyes and in the back of my neck.

And in the lungs, my lungs, having a bit of a trouble breathing.

So here we have three areas for me to move, and as I do,
let's see if we together can create an opening back to the joys
of
"just being alive," that is always the fruit and
the sign of being mindful.

Okay: tiredness always seems to come to the back of the neck.
And we are in the Feldy and Anat Baniel fields of learning and exploration,
which gives us the delightful option:
how to move easily and slowly and in a way that connects down deeper
into
ourself.

How about this?
Place your right hand over your head to loosely hold your left ear,
or something close to that.
And here, begin to rock side to side, so your elbow shifts where it is pointing upward
right and left.

Feel your neck move
and
your back
and
your ribs

and do please
allow one side of your pelvis to raise up
each time you bend to the side,
the hip raising Up
toward the shoulder that is moving DOWN

Just do this say seven times
count them
and feel sense notice search
enjoy a little bit different about each one.

Take an eyes closed rest.
Feel if anything has shift.

Now put the other hand, left,
over your head to the right ear, or thereabout.

Slowly shift back and forth right and left as before,
but just a few times.

Then, when you get to the right tip (right hip up, elbow as far to the right
as you and it can easily go), stay there, and rock forward and back a bit
on the left side of your pelvis, your left sit bone.

It is as if you are coming more forward with your elbow
as your belly comes in
and you shift farther back on the left sit bone
(Ishium)

Go slow. Go slowly.

As you do this, close your eyes, and feel your
ribs
and spine
and neck
and breathing.

Then side bend your elbow to your left
raising your left hip and
sitting on your right sit bone/ ishium.

From there fold and arch, feel your spine coming forward at the top and bottom with the elbow
forward part of this,
and feel your spine top and bottom coming toward each
other in the back
as you push out your belly and arch.

Do this with your eyes closed.

Rest.

See if you can put both hands slightly over your head toward the other ear and do
something like a hoola hoop
with your pelvis,
letting the elbows makes their own form of circle.

Go slow.
Go slowly.

Wanting what we "don't want"

Here's one way to go about things:

You beat your head against the wall
and "don't get"
what you
"want"
so you learn to
"stop wanting"

which could mean not reaching out and forward in
life
anymore

just hunker down
and what??
watch TV
complain
play scrabble
who knows




And then, here's another approach:

go for what you want
and if you get it

great

and if you don't get it

great

one: you learned something

two: you have your life and love and awareness
and gratitude no matter what

three: you could step back and learn
how to go about the game
again

four: you could relax and find another game

five: you could meditate on
nothing
and use that bliss
to realize that anything you do
can have the undercurrent

of now is great
and
the next
now is great
and

the next
now is great

and maybe you get to the "aim"
and maybe not,
or
maybe "not yet"
and all
along the way

now is great


good

Emotional Freedom: Turn around your world doing the Byron Katie turn around

I wrote about this Friday at the SlowSonoma.com.

The following is chapter 34 of the book listed above as being for sale in email.

For those in the Austin area, a $20 print version of the first 32 chapters is available. When finished the next 32 will be free via internet, and the last 42 will cost another $20. Seems like a lot, unless you realize how much transformational juice each section is giving.

Like this, the 34th one, which assumes you know the first part of the Byron Katie work


Turn around Your World with the Turn Around

Take some person who has been bugging you. Write down how they make you feel and why as one short sentence.
So and so makes me feel…… because…..

Joe/Ed/ Ann/ Barbara makes me feel angry/ sad/ jealous/ bad/ disappointed/ ….. because they ……. Don’t wash their clothes. Don’t smile. Left me. Don’t respect their mother. Aren’t thankful/ grateful/ respectful/ appreciative/ and so on.

You’ve done this before, mainly with shoulds and shouldn’ts.
Now it’s time to branch out.
I need so and so to …………..
I want so and so to………….
So and so should or shouldn’t………….

So now you’ve got four avenues of judgment:
The way they rile you up.
What you need from them.
What you want from them.
How they should and or shouldn’t be different.

Then take one of these judgments, read it aloud to yourself, and ask the four questions.
You might want to write down the consequences inside you from question number 3.

And now it’s turn around time.
Turn it around three ways, and look for three examples of each turn around.

Examples:
"I want Joe to listen to me more."

1. Turn around to yourself. 

I want me to listen to me more.
(Find three ways you are lacking in this, self listening)


2. Turn around to the other: 

I want me to listen to Joe more.
(Find three ways you are sloughing off on listening to Joe)


3. Turn around the sentence to its opposite .

I want Joe to listen, to I don’t want Joe to listen. Why? Joe already does listen. I don’t need to want this.
Find three examples of this. It might blow your mind.



Or, "I'm angry and frustrated with daughter number one because she is not respectful"


Turn around one: to yourself
I am angry at me since I could respect myself more.
(Find three examples of how this is true)


Turn around two:
To the other
I am angry at me because I need to respect daughter number one more.
(Again, 3 examples)



Turn around three: to the opposite
Daughter number one is not respectful becomes daughter number one is respectful.
( Find three examples of that.)

This can change your life.
Turning around your mind can turn around your world.
Try it.
It’s work, the “work” of Byron Katie.
And the results are huge.

Thinking as Way Out, Thinking as Trap

Perhaps one could lead a totally instinctual life
and everything
would just fall into place.

People talk as if that's true,
and every time I've heard someone say that
I've heard a person spouting a set of words
that they believed in and had spouted
many times,
and they were never present to me nor to themselves as they
were spouting the words.

So, this is the trap folks:
to speak is to enter the world of the abstract,
the world of words,
and in that world,
a "tree" is just a set of letters, or a set of sounds
that can point us in "reality" to one real tree,
that is different from every other tree in the world,
or can at least point us toward the
tree beings out in the world.

And yet, if we were on some land
and wanted to improve that land,
perhaps best thing we could do for that land would be to plant it
in fifty to eighty percent trees.

That's thinking:
using mental pictures
to pre-view reality,
to set up a plan to change reality.

And we would need to use thinking
to explore why trees would be good for our soil,
and the water in the air,
and our eating,
and a windbreak
and a food source for our own chickens and goats
and a food source for the wild things
and a future source of timber for anyone who wanted to build with wood
and a wish of our own to have an income source in the future
and a wish and desire and commitment to keeping some of our land "wild"

And we could "think" about
which is plan mental pictures
and conduct thought experiments
in what percent of our land we wanted in orchard
and what percent in timber
and what percent in wild/ hedgerow trees
and where we might create windbreaks with trees

This is permaculture,
which is applying thinking to land use
and what better way to use thinking?

To improve relationships.
That might be a better way,
or we could think of relationships as a big swatch of land
and what percentage of our relationship
is mindless chatter
is business / getting things done talk
is admiring and supporting the other
is listening to the other
is having physical contract
is complaining
is demanding and correcting and ordering
is fuming inside and having inner complaining
is ignoring
is talking to friends about what's "good" or what's "bad" with the partner

Which is to say:
we can use the brain's joy in seeing how much
and which is more than something else
to get a good look at our relationship.

And then, the core of the Anat Baniel work
and the Feldenkrais work:
what variations could we create

in our relationship
in our land use
in our day use
in our thinking patterns
in our feeling patterns
in our moving patterns


..................

I'm laying in a lot of thought possibilities

Ideas as a kind of food.

Most of my essays I strive to have a kind of high density
nutritional value.

They might require reading several times.

Think about how often you slow down
and really allow your mind to chew
over  (rather than stew over)
new information
and especially,
new ways of organizing that information
and
PUTTING THAT NEW ORGANIZATION
INTO ACTION
IN YOUR LIFE


This is the purpose of thinking:
to create possibilities for an
even more wonderful life
for ourselves,
those in our community
and
the world.


Good.

Moving Into Life on a Monday

The Wake Up Game

Part One:
We wake up in bed.
Gads, and we "don't wan to get up"
or "don't want to move"
or "want to go back to sleep"
blah, blah, blah

The robot is pretty strong when the lazy sweet half dead
comfort
of the bed beacons us to stay on, and on

And how to wake up
inside the covers
and outside of sleep?

Try this:

1. Slowly move your head to the right and the left
Yes, yes, at first you can move like a robot
and then
wake up:
notice your neck
notice your breathing
notice the rest of your spine (yes, indeed, the "neck" is a word, the spine is 24 vertebrae)
notice the change in sensation where the back of your head presses into pillow or bed
notice what you are doing with your eyes

Rest.

2. Do that again and play with at least these variations;
   a. Eyes closed
   b. One eye open, and then the other
   c. Both eyes open
   d. One and both eyes moving the same way as you move your head
   e. One and both eyes (different times, right) moving the opposite way as your head

Rest

3. Move your feet right and left like a windshield wiper
rotate at the hip joint
feel your heels move in where they touch the feet
feel the sensation of feet against sheet as the move
feel your hip joints
feel your knees
feel your pelvis
feel your spine

Rest

4. Imagine combining the head and the feet,
sometimes imagine head and feet going the same way
sometimes imagine them going opposite

Now, "do" this in the real bed
and notice what you forget

Imagine it again

"Do it" again:
notice how your spine,
in between your head and feet
starts to wake up in this

Rest

5. Imagine 3 or 4 ways to roll out of bed

Try one

Roll back in, sensing yourself in the "reverse" move

Now roll out of bed another way

6. Sit at the edge of the bed

Sense your right leg, fully,
from five toes to foot to anke
to calf
to knee
to thigh
to head of top of thigh
to hip bone

Sense your right arm fully
fingertips
to shoulder blade

Sense the right side of you,
with emphasis on right arm and right leg

Sense your left arm from shoulder blade
down
to fingertips

Sense the first three all at once:
right leg, right arm, left arm

Add on the left leg
Sense all  four: two arms and two legs

Add on the spine, your spine

Sense all five at once:
your right leg,
your right arm,
your spine
your left arm
your left leg

Sense the all of you
add on all other bones, breathing, organs,
anything "real" you can sense in the moment

enjoy

Then add on hearing what you are hearing

Then add on opening your eyes and seeing what you see

Then rise to your day
and enjoy, today and all week,
starting the day with the five line excercise
and staying in sense, look and listen
in the now
mode
all day

hey,
what have you got to lose?